Do you ever wonder why some relationships are just wonderful and others totally suck the energy right out of you? Here’s why:

How to get the most out of this exercise:

  1. Circle each value you move towards and each you move away from in regards to one area of your life you are working on now (e.g.. relationships, work, school). Pick a maximum of 10 values only for this exercise.
  2. Now, taking two of the circled values at a time ask yourself or your partner. “Which is most important to me, this one—or this one?”
  3. Take the most important value you have chosen and compare it to each of the other circled values one at a time. Each time ask yourself the same question. You should be able to find one value that sticks out above all the rest.
  4. Now pick the next value and compare it to the remaining circled ones, finding the next most important value in your life.
  5. Continue down the list until you’ve made your the choices that are the most important to you.
  6. Do the same with the Moving Away From Values.
  7. Discuss them with a friend or family. Do you understand why some relationships are not working for you? Do they challenge or question your most important values? When people do this it’s like having someone tell you that 2 + 2 = 5. You know it doesn’t. You know that for sure. They will figure it out someday on their own and you don’t have the need to convince them otherwise, so you just move on.

How do I use the answers in my life?

  • Pick partners that support your beliefs and do not purposely challenge them or “push your buttons”.
  • Pick jobs that align with your values. (When you are happy you make more money anyway!)
  • Choose friends, relationships, organizations and hobbies that most align with your values.
  • These are the values that are your special gift to the world. Use them wisely, but most importantly, just utilize them! 

Moving Towards Values:

Abundance Curiosity Intimacy Respectful
Acceptance Decisive Intimate Rewarding
Accomplishment Eager Involved Romanic
Achievement Easy Going Joyful Satisfying
Admiration Encouraging Kindness Security
Adventure Energetic Leadership Self-awareness
Affectionate Enthusiastic Learning Selfish
Agreeable Exciting List Making Selfless
Ambitious Exuberant Listener Sense of humor
Appreciated Faithful Lovable Sensitive
Approval Feminine Loving Sensual
Attractive Flexible Loyal Serenity
Balanced Flirtatious Magnificent Service
Beautiful Focused Masculine Sincere
Brave Forgiving Nurturing Soft
Calm Freedom Obedient Spiritual
Caring Friendly Open-minded Spontaneous
Cheerful Fun Optimistic Successful
Clean Gain Organized Supportive
Comfortable Generosity Passionate Tactful
Committed Genuine Peace of Mind Tender
Communicative Giving Peaceful Thoughtful
Compassionate Gratefulness Pioneering Thrifty
Competent Gregarious Planning Tolerant
Completeness Growing Pleased Trusting
Concerned Happy Pleasure Trustworthy
Confident Helpful Positive Unconditional love
Connected Honest Powerful Understanding
Considerate Honored Praise Volunteering
Contributor Hopeful Productive Wellness
Cooperative Humorous Proud of Self Whole
Courageous In Control Pure Winner
Credible Inner Peace Quiet Youthful
Creative Innovative Religious  
  Integrity Respect  

Helpful Links and References

I gleaned this exercise from a Nikken Humans Being More workshop a few years ago. We learned that the exercise should be done for relationships and again for career or goals because sometimes your priorities will differ. Quite interesting. Anyway, you can read more about that wonderful adventure here:

https://www.nikken.com/events/humans-being-more/