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NHT News Vol. 10 No. 5 Nov. 29, 2014

Denice Moffat

Dr. Moffat’s NATURAL HEALTH TECHNIQUES NEWSLETTER

NHT News Vol. 10 No. 5 Nov. 29, 2014 Newsletter

In This Issue:

(Please note that full names are never used in this newsletter or on my website without the full consent of the sender or client. Some cases also encompass groupings of cases with similar symptoms and suggestions for healing in an attempt to educate the general public.)

From the Desk of Dr. Moffat:  

4th Annual BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL 50% OFF SALE Friday Nov. 28th through Sunday Nov. 30th, 2014. Anyone making an appointment for the months of December/January/February via email or telephone between Friday Nov. 28th through Sunday Nov. 30th, 2014 will receive a 50% discount on their phone consultation. (Special includes new or existing clients–supplements not included.) Start the Holy Days out Right with the Gift of Health!

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Life in Five Short Chapters

Read More: https://naturalhealthtechniques.com/annual-black-friday-special.htm

Featured Case: Verbal Abuse

 Signs of Verbal Abuse:

Fear not. There is support for you within a safe system on these pages and through the Free From Verbal Abuse forum.

The above bullets are some of the symptoms of verbal abuse. Whoever made up that rhyme about “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” was just plain wrong! Words do hurt. They can break a person on the inside just as surely as a whack with a stick bruises the outside.

An Interview with Del Hungerford:

I’m talking today with Del Hungerford, a  Harvard graduate who has written a book on overcoming verbal abuse called But Words Will Never Hurt Me.  Because of an emotionally abusive marriage that she was in at one time, she came to recognize through the counseling process that she was allowing her husband to verbally abuse her. https://freefromverbalabuse.net/butwordswillneverhurtme.html

Denice: I love the jacket cover of your book Del. Did someone help you with that? It’s genius. I love how the words infiltrate your face on the cover. Very symbolic because you don’t see these words on everyday faces and I know that verbal abuse crosses all lines of race and hierarchy of society—even men in a relationship can be abused. 

Verbal Abuse: But Words Will Never Hurt Me by Del Hungerford

Del: Thanks. Yes, there are many misconceptions about the “types” of people who get involved in domestic violence. First of all, it is across all levels of society—all races, sexes, financial status and sexual preferences.

I was “ABD” (All But Dissertation) for a doctoral degree and even all my education didn’t help. The goal was to finish the degree within a year of marriage but that didn’t happen. In actuality, finishing the dissertation ten years later was part of my healing process. I took back what was “stolen” from me through the abusive marriage.

Denice: And you actually wrote a book about your process of recognizing verbal abuse, Del? Was this a part of your healing or a higher calling to help others recognize the signs of verbal abuse so that they too could heal and overcome being the victim in these circumstances?

Del: Well, once I started my research on verbal abuse I found there were some good textbooks on the subject—and believe me I read everything I could get my hands on. As a Christian woman, I took my vows of marriage very seriously and wanted to do whatever I could to save my marriage. What I found though was not so much information in the literature involving real people, real circumstances and actually ideas on how to find words to use in case study format to work through verbal abuse. Based on what I hear from those who write me, the same is true with most people. They, like me, were not able to figure out what the problem was without some assistance.

Denice: How long were you married then? Six years or so? And then you opted for a separation?

Del: Yes, and my time of separation from my husband was meant to get some help so we could get back together. However, after counseling and working with people who understood abuse, I realized that wasn’t going to happen. He opted for a divorce and married his secretary within  six months of ending our marriage.

Denice: Wow. I’m proud of you for getting your doctorate finally Del. Many abused people in my own practice just never get the joy of walking on the God Path I call it. I believe that we are all here, made in the image of God, here to be God’s hands, ears, eyes and heart. If we live in fear and are abused and controlled, we never get to perform those services. You’ve truly overcome the challenges of abuse and are just doing so much good for our world. So, tell me about your training. What makes you feel comfortable enough to handle a huge project such as the one you started? 

Del: My training is experience and my own research has definitely helped; but I started out as a public school teacher. Our continuing education always included the current training on handling abuse and neglect. I’ve also had training in handling crisis as a volunteer for the Alternatives to Violence on the Palouse for two years. We had 40 hours of initial training and 20 hours each year to keep current with our advocacy. I was a house mother in a sorority for 11 years so handled lots of crisis there and am currently the house administrator for an on-campus dormitory. In addition, I’ve talked with many, many people who have been in (and are currently in) abusive relationships and hear the same story over and over again. I think that once you’ve gone through something, you become more intuitive to others in similar situations. I’ve spent the last fourteen years reading and researching on the subject of emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse. I’ve put a bunch of that research up on my website, too.

Denice: I saw that Del. Nice links page. Now, you approach this from a Christian view. Where does one start when they suspect they are not in a God-centered relationship any longer?

Del: A good first place to start is figuring out what is involved in the partnership discord. If it is abuse, then what kind of abuse. Certainly one wouldn’t want to stay in a dangerous situation and there are organizations listed on my website to address those instances, but if the abuse is verbal or spiritual or emotional abuse then there are resources that can be used from the home like the forum I’ve developed. 

I’ve found that the first hurdle to get over is to realize that it doesn’t matter what religion you are, abuse is never acceptable. Then the person has to realize he/she cannot control the behavior of their partner. Lastly, and probably most importantly, the victim needs to realize that the partner’s behavior is not “Godly” and that he/she doesn’t have to put up with it. Once an abusive spouse starts treating the partner in an abusive manner, the marriage covenant (what was agreed upon at the time of marriage) has been broken. Basically, the victim is released from that covenant unless the abuser gets help. I have a whole article on this topic on my website.

Denice: What I see is that Christian women in general just try so hard to make things work. It does take two, but they seem to think that just giving 200 percent will alleviate the need for the partner to put in some effort as well. They take more blame for things that go wrong in a relationship. The guilt of not making it work is almost unsurmountable sometimes. It sure was for me. “I can take it” was my motto for many years, but honestly I came to the conclusion that God didn’t really want me to suffer my entire life. Often it’s devastating to even discuss marital problems within the church or with your minister because the person abused seems to have to go through being judged. My own church ostracized me and took the side of my husband’s family. And then there’s the sin issue. Did you have challenges in that way Del?

Del: Oh yes. Honestly, it took me an entire year to realize that I was in an abusive relationship and that was AFTER I was already separated. I was hung up on breaking the marriage covenant and felt that if I kindered, he would change. Well, as you can see, that didn’t happen. Abusers know how to take advantage of you.

Denice: That has been my experience as well. (Pause) You have a beautiful developing interactive forum as a result of that experience. There is always good that comes from adversity, don’t you agree Del?

Del: Yes. The forum is designed specifically for those dealing with domestic violence of all types. I started the forum to provide a safe place for people to discuss the abuse with others. It really helped me to “talk it out” with others. Everyone who has ever written me needed someone to talk with. They’ve all been grateful that I even responded. So, can you imagine how it will help for people to have a regular place to go? It’s like a 24/7 support session.

Denice: So, how does it work then? If you want to be on the forums you pay $5/month or you can purchase a 6-month membership?

Del: Yes, and we do have people who donate money for the people who want to partake but can’t afford to for whatever reason. We call those people supporters.  Supporters have the opportunity to donate on a recurrent monthly basis or can give a one-time donation or donate as often as they would like. My address is on the website. Just write the word Supporter on the memo area of the check.

The people who join our forum use alias names to protect their identity and we have ways of screening to be sure that the abusers are not able to get onto the forums. The minimal fees charged for the forum help pay for the forum software in addition to keeping it a safe place for people to discuss often very private matters.

Denice. And you educate people on how to stay safe on the site so that their abuser can’t find out they are getting help?

Del: Yes, I have several tutorials up on the forum that walk people through how to navigate on the forum as well as what to do to remain safe. People are able to access these tutorials in the private part of the website. 

Denice: I noticed that those directions are also in writing as well. You’ve really done a lot of work on finding support staff who really have hearts of gold and who are willing to put in time to help others overcome verbal abuse. Looking through the names here and by hearing you talk about these people for the last decade or so I feel like I already know them. I know you and where your heart is and I know you would be very picky about the people who you chose to help you in this project.

How did you meet Seneca, the woman who specializes in flower essences? 

Del: I met Seneca through Now Interpret This! (a dream and prophetic forum). I also use the flower essences, which have really been helpful with the emotional stuff. Seneca also runs a business class to help people get on their feet by starting their own businesses. She runs that on the Now Interpret This! website.

Denice: I knew Seneca’s father. He was the nicest man. He was the mayor of Kooskia, ID before he passed over. Now, what about Esther? 

Del: I met Esther in the 1980’s, about the time her son was killed by a drunk driver. If you want to talk about a woman who has been through a lot, it’s Esther! She was one of the people who helped me see that my husband was abusive to me. At the time, I was too numb to see what was going on. Plus, it didn’t help that I was pretty ill, too.

And you’re forgetting yourself Dr. Moffat. I want to thank you for donating some time to helping others overcome this life challenge.  I must say that because of you, I am now a healthy and vibrant person. You’ve assisted me through some pretty tough stuff since my marriage ended.

Denice: Gosh, it has been a long time since we met. How long has it been? About 10 years? I feel honored to be a part of that support staff for you and for your project and I’m happy to donate the time and energy for it in ways that I can.

Del: (Nods) I met you right after I was divorced in 2000. I had gone to see you because I simply felt like crap and although my grandparents had paid for a complete physical, the doctors could find nothing wrong. Over time, working with you, I began to feel better and now, 14 years later, I feel better than I have in a long time. Plus, I love that you have helped my cats, too. We all love you!

Denice: 14 years. Wow. How time flies! Tell us more about this forum you’ve developed.

Del: So, in moving on with life. . .because of my experiences and what others have said, I decided to start a forum where those in abusive relationships can get help and support. (www.freefromverbalabuse.com). Many in an abusive relationship are not be able to physically go somewhere for assistance; they tend to stay quiet and hope things will improve. The Free From Verbal Abuse Forum is available to anyone who has access to the Internet.

Denice: What is a forum?

Del: A forum is a place for people to “talk through” their struggles and get insight from other members. The best part about the Free from Verbal Abuse forum is the ability to converse in private, and you never have to let anyone know your true identity.

The Free From Verbal Abuse forum offers:

Denice: OK, so how do you go about getting on the forums then? 

Del: On the website click the Sign Up Now button. This will take you to a PayPal form to fill out. You can pay using Pay Pal. If the user is concerned that the charge will show up on the credit card or that their abuser will somehow track the payment, they can get in touch with me directly, send me a check, or we can discuss using funds from a supporter. This erases the paper trail. Once you’re registered, then you’ll be able to interact in the forums. 

Denice: So, if the sky is the limit then . . .and I know that’s your take on life. . . what would be the optimal result of your book, workbook, website and forum? What do you want to accomplish with it? 

Del: The goal is for people to find help. When I was doing research and trying to figure out stuff on my own, I ran across lots of good books but none with full stories of victims. I wanted to see HOW they worked through their issues. So, my main goal with the forum is to help people discover what they need to do to be free from the emotional stress of the abuse.

Denice: I like it. So now, the workbook and online class to help others overcome being verbally abused, how do we learn more about that?

Del: The class will be according to semesters with 15 classes per semester. Students will do the work at their own pace and each week will cover a different chapter of the book But Words Will Never Hurt Me. The workbook goes along with the weekly chapter work where the participants fill out the worksheets, and then we have “activations” that they do with others. Once someone is at that point, they get on the forum and ask for a partner to do the assignment with. Either staff, Encouragers, or other class participants can help with the activations.

Denice: What is an activation and can you give us the links to look over the class information and schedule? When do the classes start and how does one sign up?

Del: An activation is an interactive exercise or call to action, like a mini-lecture to help you to see something which enables you to walk into the next step on healing. These are done with other people on the forum, often in a chat room venue with regards to the site. I’m working on the class schedule right now, but it isn’t quite fleshed out yet.  Signing up will involve getting on the forum and starting a conversation. I’ll have opportunities to give examples of verbal abuse using the categories on my site, then an opportunity to discuss how it made you feel. We’ll allow others to respond with their own experiences and provide some insight into their situations, too. You will find that as you look at the examples in other people’s relationships that you’ll understand it in your own.

Here’s information on the classes: https://freefromverbalabuse.com/threads/coursework-explained.9/ and also here: https://freefromverbalabuse.com/threads/semester-1-working-through-abuse.7/

I do ask that if you’re reading this and know of someone who would benefit from this forum, please encourage them to join. Again, if money is a problem (which often is the case in abusive relationships), we do have “supporters” that provide scholarships.

Denice: So what are the categories of verbal abuse? Can you give us some shortened versions of how to define and describe them? You really go into this in depth on your website, but we don’t want to overwhelm the readers today.

Denice: How does the reader contact you Del?

Del: I can be reached through my website, www.FreeFromVerbalAbuse.com or through email at del.hungerford@gmail.com

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 Events:

Animal Communicator Gift Certificates: Internationally known animal communicator and author of Conversations with Animals, Lydia Hiby is offering gift certificates throughout the holiday season. If you’re looking for a unique gift to give to the animal lover in your life, I highly recommend this gift! Lydia works in person, through groups, lectures, ranch calls and also does telephone consultations. She has been featured on 48 Hours, Equitana USA, Equine Affaire, Equestrian Nation, RFD-TV and has even been on the David Letterman show. Check her out at her website at: www.lydiahiby.com or call her in California at (818) 244-0091.

Many of my clients use Lydia and are extremely satisfied with her services. (We love her too!) Lydia did a reading on our dog Maggie a few years back and told me that Maggie wanted a pink collar. Since I don’t really like pink, I fluffed over that part of the reading. Why spend money on a new collar when Maggie seemed to like the vibrant purple one she already had? She would put her head through the collar after each bath, kind of like a woman putting on a bracelet. Well, the day after the reading Maggie ‘lost’ her collar. Jessica Lynn of Earth Song Ranch honored Maggie’s wishes and sent her a new pink collar. We call her Aunt Jessica now. She uses Lydia too.

Hope you all are having a great, relaxing summer and spending time with the people who love and appreciate you most. Be well. Denice

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