Compiled by Dr. Denice Moffat of www.NaturalHealthTechniques.com
(77 Techniques for Anger/Forgiveness below this section)
Anger finds a way to express itself! (No matter how you try to suppress it.)
Introduction: Let’s look at some of these expressions in the form of signs and symptoms of retained anger and give you some tools you can use to get through and release the anger that may be causing problems in your body. Most of us have some anger within us and some forgiving to do to release it.
Now, I’m the Queen of “Out of the Box” thinking, so these ideas and exercises are not the normal “scream in the pillow” type things to do. One of my favorite people in Nikken has an out of the box thinking story:
“Most people don’t know how to think out of the box,” Dennis says. They complain that nothing changes. Einstein says that a problem can never be solved at the level of thinking that caused the problem to begin with. “Funny thing is,” he continues, “is that the directions to get out of the box are on the OUTSIDE of the box. So, someone that is already on the outside of the box has to read them to you.
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John and a team of healers were doing a workshop for Vietnam vets many years ago. They had made progress on everyone who had attended the workshop except for one person. This man had two houses, a wife and a child. He had two houses because he was afraid that if he was awakened during the night, he would respond by killing the person in bed with him, so he slept in a separate bed in a separate house.
He was lying face up on a treatment table with everyone surrounding him and directing energy into his body when it happened…
A big black blob of energy rose up from his liver like an oozing formless mass of light. Everyone saw it and mouths dropped open and eyes popped. John calmly said, “Let’s all direct energy to this thing and intend that it dissolves into neutral energy and disperses into the Universe.
From that day on, the man was fine.
You see, negative emotions are stored in the body and affect all of our cells. When that energy is too strong, the body determines that it can be harmful and it will compact it to the smallest common denominator that it can. Whatever organ is the weakest at the time of the trauma will harbor this energy cyst.
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2. Rheumatoid Arthritis–I had a woman work for me once that couldn’t say “no” to her family. Every day she gave her all to everyone in her family and extended family in her church, but there was nothing left for her self-care. She worried for everybody, but her anger was toward her husband. He had a job, which took him out of town eventually. When he was scheduled to come home, I prepared for my receptionist to call in sick. It happened every time. I knew. So I called her on it one day.
“You know,” I said, “Every time your husband gets a weekend off, you get sick. Do you realize that you are doing that to yourself?”
She looked at me as if a light were going on. “You’re right!” She said.
We worked long and hard on building self-esteem, teaching her to honor her body and time, and giving her permission and communication skills so that she could say no. She eliminated some things in her life, but just couldn’t say no to her family. As she freed up her schedule, they filled it.
As time went on I saw her fingers twist and bend before my very eyes. She now lives on disability.
3. Cancer–holding in anger and resentment for long periods of time literally eats away the body. People with cancer are also very self-critical. They also use the phrase, “I hate that.” often. For more metaphors that affect your health go to: /healingtechniquesmetaphors1.htm
Now think about that. When you cuss and swear and say things like that, how does that make your body feel? Where do you feel that energy in your being? Directing negative energy to certain body parts makes them sick. I once had a urinary tract infection and was peeing blood for about two months. At the time I was going through a divorce and life was really squeezing me. Let me tell you, love and compassion juice was not coming out of me at that time. In fact, one would be putting their lives into jeopardy just walking down the back roads of my mind. Pretty scary. It was all I could do to attend to business during the day. I could hardly wait to lock the doors and pour myself a stiff drink. All day long I’d tell whoever would listen how “pissed off” I was. It was horrible. I tried cranberry juice. I tried antibiotics. I tried homeopathics. But the thing that worked for me was eliminating the metaphor, “pissed off” from my vocabulary. Once I did that, the urinary tract infection vanished in two days.
If you’d like to read more on the core causes of Cancer go to: /cancer-strategies-a-to-z.htm
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4. Fibromyalgia. A large part of fibromyalgia is caused, in part, by harboring anger and resentment. The people I see with this disease can’t say no and feel like people in their lives ask them to do more than they have energy for, time for or things they do not enjoy doing. They are not doing their Life Purpose, which is doing those things that make you happy, excited and that you can do for hours at a time without noticing. For more on Life Purpose and how to find it: /coachingcornerlife_purpose1.htm
These people get to the point where something has to change and it does. They build up so much pain in their bodies that they feel they can say no because of their condition. These are the type of people who would be mortified to hurt your feelings.
Having a disabling disease is a way not to hurt people’s feelings. Now, this is a difficult syndrome to overcome. There are other core causes to this disease which we can eliminate, minimize, or manage, but the hardest part is to work through the emotional issues. Most people with fibro aren’t willing to do it. Sometimes we just need to honor their path. People just do the best they can.
5. High Blood Pressure is a sign of a sick liver. Of course your blood pressure always rises when you are having an argument. To read more on the many, many causes of high blood pressure or hypertension go to: /specificdiseaseshigh_blood_pressure1.htm.
A business partner of mine took up to eight Tylenol per day to control his pain. At night he took Tylenol PM. Tylenol is one of many many drugs that are processed through the liver. Now, the liver meridian we have learned by studying Eastern medicine peaks from 1am to 3am.
My partner was unable to control his blood pressure. He had lots of old hurts that he wasn’t about ready to let go of. “Never forgive, never forget” I would call him. We tried several supplements, but they didn’t work. He was getting too big a payoff having his clients feel sorry for him. That was his way of getting the attention that he so desperately needed his whole life. He grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family. They went to church on Sundays, he went to church school every day and got a beating every night by either his mother or father. Usually that was with a stick or a belt. Many times he did nothing to deserve the beatings.
When asked by his doctor what medications he was taking he told them, “none.” He did not consider Tylenol a medication, because he had taken it for years for his back pain. I think that is one reason why so many people I see that are on blood pressure medication never seem to get on the right one. Their doctor never really gets to the core cause of the problem, so it’s just a hit and miss operation.
And which comes first? Is it the liver overload that caused the anger or the anger that caused the liver overload? Sometimes it’s hard to tell, but one thing I know for sure . . . When you give the body what it needs, it usually responds. There are also many ways to approach the healing process. A person needs to find the way that they feel comfortable with and start making changes and shifts within the lifestyle.
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6. Liver Disease: Liver disease can include cirrhosis, high cholesterol, abnormal liver enzymes, swollen livers, and more. The liver is the organ of anger and resentment.
7. Energy meridians each have their cycle and this cycle lasts for two hours. If your Liver meridian is off and out of balance, you will wake up at 1am and not be able to get back to sleep until 3am. People who have an imbalanced liver meridian lie in bed and stew on things. They build pressure up like a pressure-cooker ready to blow a gasket. This is typical with many cancer patients who have an emotional component to their disease. So…12 hours opposite that would be a low energy time. These people tend to get sleepy after lunch or need a can of pop or a cup of coffee to overcome their low energy. Another indication of the liver being overloaded is red rims at the tip of your fingernails. For a deeper analysis of this, go to: /examforms-medicalintuitivefingernail_analysis.htm.
8. Smoking (anger against a parent) In her book, “You Can Heal Your Life ,” Louise Hay says that 95% of the people who smoke are holding in anger and resentment, and that is usually associated with a parent. I’ve noticed that occasionally a step-parent is involved as well.
We were discussing this concept at a breakfast meeting with a group of friends one time. There were about 10 people at the meeting. It got them to thinking. Those that had smoked at one time conceded that this could be true. All who had smoked and had quit had forgiven their parents in some form or another.
“That’s not true!” said one woman. She proceeded to tell us how great her relationship had been with her parents. Her sister (in her late 60’s) silently shook her head. Arlene went on to describe her relationship with her parents. We all knew Arlene’s history and knew that Arlene was quite the hellion in her day. She was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and even had a couple of tattoos. The table started to laugh and call her on it, but she was in denial. The group had a new perspective on smoking from that day forward.
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9. Alcohol Addiction: This is a tricky one. Which came first, the anger causing the drinking or the drinking causing the anger because drinking trashes your liver? The only thing that really matters is that you find ways to resolve the issues or manage them.
10. Abscesses–Anger in relation to something you don’t want to release. A boil is considered a localized abscess. I once knew of a man who had boils all over his face and chest. His mother had given him to his grandparents to raise and his father had abandoned him. He was a cowboy, and as the song goes, “Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys. They are never at home, they are always alone, even with someone they love.” He grew up a cowboy and eventually became a counselor. My theory is that he was trying to understand and come to some kind of completion with his own relationships. He was the quiet type, so the anger had to come out of his body in some way. Anger in his body just chose the skin route. The body always chooses the easiest way to release dis-ease. Each of us has a route that we have a predisposition for to release pent up emotions.
11. Conjunctivitis–Anger and frustration at what you are looking at in life. I once knew a woman who had three children with chronic conjunctivitis. The house was a pig-sty; there was a never ending process of stray animals going through her home. She was always putting ads in the paper to sell or trade them. When she needed something to sell fast, she would put an ad in the paper saying, “Mother desperate. Husband left me with 4 children.” or some such immoral type of ad. This mother had few coping skills. She was actually an undiagnosed bi-polar person at that time. The father was a workaholic. The tax people were always on top of them. Just as he had his tax files organized (they were in the trunk of his car), the car caught fire and burned everything up. Their lives were one drama and trauma after another. One daughter in particular was very rebellious. She was only five when I knew her. Her mom had a way of dealing with it though with the help of “Mr. Hand,” she called her spatula. So, what was it in the lives of these children that they did not want to see? Get the picture? This happens with ear aches and chronic ear infections as well.
12. Earaches–A sign that there is anger in what is being heard. As Louise Hay asks, “What is it in your life that you do not want to hear?” Is it people yelling or forcing ideas on you that run against your morals and values and true Life Purpose? If so, work to minimize, eliminate, or manage the time you spend with these people.
13. Mastoiditis (infections in the inner ear)– I once attended a veterinary continuing education seminar down in Las Vegas. A prominent surgeon was giving the lecture. What a booming voice he had. I sat there fascinated as I watched the “show.” He would say in a voice of about 250 decibles, “Get a pen out and write this down!”
Now, I noticed that about 20 percent of the audience was over the age of 65 (probably retired from private practice,) yet they practically jumped out of their chairs as they dug around frantically searching for a pen! I was thinking of this “not wanting to hear concept” taught to me by Louise Hay as he was lecturing on how to cut the ear canal out as a treatment for chronic infection of the ears. “Hmm. I wonder if there is an association.”
During the lecture, he told us about his daughter and how she was always having ear problems as she was growing up. Just a never-ending stream of ear challenges. …Duh. That’s often what happens with the “Children should be seen and not heard” theory type of child-rearing.
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14. Gout is a sign of anger. It is also a symptom of needing to dominate and a symptom of impatience. Gout is the inability to process certain proteins called purines. When the purines build up in the muscle fibers, the joints get inflamed, swollen and extremely painful. Gout really responds to diet, but if you don’t let go of the anger, it has a tendency to come back year after year. I see this condition often when the tomatoes become ripe on the vine each year. To read more on the causes of gout and which foods to eat or avoid: /specificdiseasesgout1.htm
15. Hemorrhoids result from holding onto past angers and being afraid to let go of them. I have many clients with hemorrhoids. That topic doesn’t usually come up until they feel comfortable with me, but many of these anger-related disease processes have their seat in the liver. Liver is the organ that harbors anger and resentment.
16. Allergies are most always a sign of an overloaded liver. Sinus allergies may mean challenges with how you feel about yourself. Eczema often has to do with unexpressed disruptive emotions.
17. Glaucoma is a sign of an overloaded liver or a symptom the body puts forth in relation to what is in the person’s life that they don’t want to see. It represents stony unforgiveness, pressure from long-standing hurts and a feeling of being overwhelmed by it all.
18. Varicose Veins are also a sign of liver problems and retained anger/resentment of standing in a situation you hate. Feeling discouraged, overworked and overburdened.
There are some very effective treatments for liver-associated anger which you will read about later. Some that aren’t mentioned are herbal-oriented (horse chestnut, burdock root and silymarin) or have to do with magnetic therapy.
To read more on magnetic field repair, go to: /magnetic-therapy.htm
19. Leukorrhea (white cells in your urine): This usually happens with the female gender. Many of us have been raised with the understanding that we must “service” our mates. Leukorrhea happens with the belief that women are powerless over the opposite sex. It happens when they are angry at their mates. Because they were raised in this belief process, they feel they can’t really say no to sexual advances, so it comes out in the body where the anger is harbored. Yeast infections, sexually transmitted diseases, vaginal warts, endometriosis, and pelvic inflammatory disease are all signs that there may not be good boundaries or communication in relationships with the opposite sex.
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20. Osteomyelitis: Anger and frustration at the very structure of life. Feeling unsupported. Dr. Bernie Siegel (www.ecap-online.org) is one of my favorite authors. He is a doctor who is open to holistic cancer treatments. I went to a Spokane workshop he had to honor his work. Now, many people in the holistic field have been shoved in that direction with life experiences of their own. Dr. Siegel was no exception. He told us of his little boy, about the age of 12, who came to his dad and said, “Dad, I think I need and x-ray. Something is wrong with my leg. It hurts.” Dr. Siegel looked at the leg and proclaimed it healthy. But, the boy persisted. Every couple of weeks…”Dad, I need an x-ray.” This man was not supporting his son.
So one day Dr. Siegel finally relented to the x-ray to placate his son. Low and behold, the boy had bone cancer. The cancer was very aggressive and the typical starburst pattern was evident.
Shocked was not the word to describe the situation. Had he only listened to his son from the beginning! The guilt he felt was overwhelming. Well, Dr. Siegel used this experience and learned from it. Now he listens to his patients. He organized a group called ECaP. This organization studies those common threads of surviving cancer patients. ECaP stands for Exceptional Cancer Patients.
21. Planters Warts: Represent anger at the very basis of your understanding. They represent spreading frustration having to do with the future.
Kyle was eight years old with a big case of planters’ warts. His mother tried various treatments, but they never went away. I wonder why?
His father was an alcoholic. His mother had left his father after a fight where she had tried to call the police and he had shot the telephone out of her hand. The weekend visitations to his father’s house left his mind putrefied with negative thoughts that he was too small to communicate and work through.
After much personal work, Kyle’s mother magnetized into her life a very special man. He was also an exceptional friend to Kyle. Someone to whom Kyle could work through his anger issues with because the lines of communication were always kept open. They often worked on issues as they came up. Soon after his mom and stepfather married, the warts went away.
22. Migraine headaches can often be created by people who want to be perfect and who create a lot of pressure on themselves.
I can remember one case in particular. Candy thought she could be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect stepmother and the perfect while fulfilling the perfect employee model. She was stressed out at work, at home with her relationships with her children and with her ex-husband, who lived in the same town.
The headaches would start with trigger point cramping in her neck. The cramping was so severe, that chiropractic treatment was impossible. Her chiropractic treatments consisted of putting a heat lamp on the area and hoping the muscles would relax enough to have her neck adjusted.
Instead of attending to the core issue of emotions, which she was not willing to let go of, she opted for heavy-duty pain-killing shots. Letting go of the emotions at that point in her life would mean going into areas she was not willing to go into. She was also getting much-needed attention and gentleness with her condition.
Big pay off for her. Big. She did not feel worthy enough to ask for what she needed so she created a situation where it would be obvious to her husband that he needed to honor and care for her in her delicate state.
See? We have to be ready to let go. For her, this was an area of fear. What if she was not able to do that perfectly? What if she could not control her anger and not be the sweet girl she was trying to be for everybody? Oh well…We all need to honor people in where they are on their path of healing. If we can help them and they are open to it, then that is a good match. If we can’t, we need to bless them and set them free. Eventually they will get what they need and learn the lessons they need to learn. To read more about the core causes of headaches and migraines, go to: /specificdiseasesheadaches1.htm
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23. Sore throats (which are in the fifth chakra) are associated with anger and not standing up for our rights, swallowed anger, and stifled creativity.
For specific exercises to heal the fifth chakra, go to: /basicsofhealthchakra_system.htm
24. Laryngitis ( a disruption of the fifth chakra)–so angry that you cannot speak
25. Are you accident prone? Accidents are and expression of anger. They indicate build-up frustrations at not feeling the freedom to speak up for the self. They can also be rebellion against authority. When we feel like we need to be punished, subconsciously we put ourselves into situations where we get hurt.
26. Boils are indicative of seething, boiling-over anger.
27. Bruises represent the little bumps in life and self-punishment.
28. Cuts sometimes represent punishment of the self for not following our own rules.
29. Fevers indicate “burning up” with anger.
30. Sores represent unexpressed anger settling in.
31. Anything ending in “itis” represents anger and frustration about conditions you are looking at in your life.
32. Any kind of inflammation represents “inflamed” thinking and seeing red about things.
33. Herpes Sores: One of the most common signs I see of anger and holding your words back are herpes sores on the lips. Once the person says what they need to say, the sores go away. Certain personality types get them over and over, until they learn that they need to speak their truth. Who do you know that has this? Do you? You know, you don’t have to talk to the person you are mad at all the time. You can just talk it out in the car when you are alone. By doing this you prevent energy cysts from building up in your mouth area.
34. Halitosis: There once was a woman who had terrible breath. It was uncomfortable to be around her. One the outside she was trying very hard to be a minister, but on the inside she was raging with anger when anyone would threaten her position. Not a good place to be when you are a minister and being challenged all the time. Because she couldn’t express that anger outwardly, it seated deep within her and came out anyway…through her breath.
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Don’t Worry, Be Happy… 77 Techniques to Release Anger:
- Neuro Emotional Technique
- The Hit List
- Emotional Remedies
- Music for the support of Anger Release
- Decide to Change
- Two Wolves Story
- 40-Day Fast
- State Your Feelings
- The Mirror Exercise
- Buddha saying, “An Eye for and Eye…”
- Bumper Sticker Philosophy
- Good Affirmations/ Affirmations
- Choose Peace
- The Eyes of Jesus
- Don’t let people rent “head space”
- Don’t believe everything you think
- The Heart’s Garden
- Melt a Cloud
- Become aware- Let it go
- Choose Your Thoughts
- What is the Gift in the situation?
- Discover the Pay-Off
- It’s Your Choice
- What cell type are you?
- Hormone Treatments and Imbalances
- See the Child in Your Enemy
- Marianne Williamson’s insight
- Soul Contracts
- Life in 5 Short Chapters
- Eliminate Alcohol
- Overcome and Face Your Fears
- Prayer with a kicker
- Write it out–then say it out loud
- Burning Ceremonies
- Listen to uplifting music
- Ask, “What would Love do here?”
- Get Healthy
- Our Deepest Fear
- Feather Pillow story
- A Viewpoint on Perspective
- Forgiveness Tour
- Build Something
- Pound Nails and accompanying story
- The “Life Squeeze” What comes out of you?
- Scratching the Record
- The God Can
- Letter Writing Campaign
- Drinking Poison
- Poem: It Couldn’t Be Done
- Loving Kindness Buddhist Prayer
- Take a News Break
- Separate the Being from the Behavior
- Forgive Yourself So You Can Forgive Others
- As You Heal, Others Follow Suit
- Master Mind Teams and Partners
- Core Causes of Anger–Discover and Fix Them
- The Buddha Smile
- Get Counseling
- Scream in the Car
- Neo-Reichian Release
- Talk on the Phone to Your Best Friend…God.
- Stop Dragging Harry
- Diarrhea and Vomiting
- Get to the Core Cause–Multiple Chemical Sensitivities
- Look at it from Someone Else’s Perspective
- Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
- Psychic Surgery on Emotional Implants
- Guided Meditation
- Know that You Are Not Alone
- You Are God!
- Final Comments
- Great Reading for Follow-up and Follow-through!
ANGER RELEASE TECHNIQUES:
1. Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) can perform miracles on a person.
Case Study involving NET: Jessica, age 9, came to me with her mother to help her with a terrible skin problem. Her skin was so crusty on her face that she looked like an elephant. As we went through the exam process, it became evident that the core cause of her problem was emotional. To find a practitioner in your area, go to the Neuro Emotional Technique website: www.netmindbody.com
So, I started the process of emotional clearing. As I continued with the muscle-testing process, I noticed that Jessica was mimicking my hand movements.
Now I knew that this was going to take a lot of emotional processing for her to heal. I also knew that money was an issue for them. So I decided I would teach Jessica to do this emotional clearing process. One thing though…she was not able to follow the flow of the process. So, her mother read the flow chart and Jessica did the testing part. Her mother couldn’t muscle test because she thought she would mess up. Kids don’t look at it that way. To them, it’s a game.
A couple of months and lots of phone calls later Jessica and her mom came in for something else. I recognized the mom, but I did not recognize the little girl who gleefully said, “Hi Dr. Moffat!”
Let me tell you it was a miracle. Her face was pure and clean and smooth. I did not even know who this girl was. Amazing. Ahh, the power of emotional release work.
Another use for NET:
Find someone who looks like the person you are angry with. Looking at someone who looks similar to a person you are holding anger and resentment against can stimulate the release of neurotransmitters which irritate your internal organs . . . like the liver, which is the organ most often associated with anger. As you stare at them or a picture of the offensive being, have a qualified specialist do emotional clearing work on you. My favorite technique is Neuro Emotional Technique. To learn more about that technique, go to: www.netmindbody.com
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2. The Hit List: NET works really well for anger against a spouse or other relationships. I usually have people bring to me what I call “The Hit List”. Now the list is just a card or paper with a list of all the things the person did or consistently does that ticks you off or rubs you the wrong way, because you know what? It’s not really about them, it’s about you!
My husband, Michael used to be a client of mine. He’s experienced enough of this technique that he knows how to use it pretty well. He comes to me occasionally and asks me to clear something for him. So, I get my charts out and ask, “OK, what do you need to clear?”
“I have the topic in mind.” He says. Well, I know enough to know that the topic he wants to clear is somehow associated with something I did that set him off.
I don’t have to know what that is, because it’s really not about me. It’s about him and how he handles situations. It’s about his perspective on life and how he sees life. So I clear it, he thanks me and we go on with our day. I do the same when he does something that sets me off.
I’ve been clearing issues for over a decade now. And I still have more to clear. I go in spurts because the body can only handle so much progress and release at one time. Because of this we have a fantastic relationship. And I’m worth it.
3. Emotional Remedies: Another way to release anger is by using Emotional Remedies from Professional Health Formulations. These are homeopathic, liquid remedies that you put under your tongue when anger or other emotions come up. What I love about these remedies is that they work very quickly. Within about 10 minutes you can feel the negative emotions just dissolve and go away.
Could you use Emotional Remedies as your only healing technique? Maybe not, but Emotional Remedies are a good place to start. They are cheap and effective. One bottle runs about $13. Your best bet is the Liver formula.
4. Music for the Support of Anger Release:
- Song: Karen Drucker Songs of the Spirit II (www.KarenDrucker.com)
- “Healed, Whole and Healthy”
- “We Are All Angels”
- “Holy, Holy, Holy”
- Song: Karen Drucker “I Send My Love” from Songs of the Spirit
- Song: Karen Drucker “Loving Kindness” from Songs of the Spirit
- Song: “Set Them Free” from Delphy’s Ocean Born album.
- Song: Daniel Namhod”Years to my Life” from the album One Power (www.DanielNahmod.com)
- Song: “The Eyes of God“ by Scott Kalechstein on the Eyes of God album. (www.scottsongs.com)
- Song: Willard Barth “Coming Home” from the album Coming Home (www.WillardBarth.com)
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5. Decide to change: You decide…is it easier to keep the anger inside you? Is it serving you in some way? Are you ready to release it? Change is inevitable, Growth is optional.
6. Two Wolves Story:
An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. . .
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other is good –he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The Elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”
7. 40-Day fast. Make a commitment to yourself to give up self-recrimination and doubt and thoughts of anger and resentment for 40 days. It doesn’t have to be associated with Passover, and you don’t have to be Catholic to do this 40-day fast. Get a support group together and make that commitment to check in regularly during your fast. Better yet, do it with a partner.
8. Massage is an excellent way to get the anger out of your system which builds up as knots in muscles, spasms and irritated trigger points. In general:
- If the problems are associated with men then tension builds on the right side.
- If associated with women, the issues/challenges are on the left side.
- The buttocks area is associated with past issues.
- Above the right knee is the family dynamics triangle.
- The outside thigh hurts when there are things you don’t care everyone knows about.
- The inside thigh hurts when you are holding in or suppressing things you are ashamed of.
- Calves? Children. Right calf male, left calf is female.
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9. State your feelings, e.g. “I am angry about this!” To begin forgiveness, you must feel the anger, express it in a healthy way, talk about it, then let if go. When we hold the pain in, our lives are in dis-ease. So when we feel that lump in our throats that we suppress and shove back down, this only makes matters worse. The trick here is to not pitch your tent in the anger camp and stay there. Sometimes it is not safe to express your emotions, especially if you are in an abusive relationship. The good news is that you don’t have to talk to THEM to get the benefits in YOUR body. Talk it out to someone else. If you are in an abusive situation, you may want to check out your local chapter of Non-Violent Communication.
10. The Mirror Exercise:
Stand in front of a mirror.
Say, “I’m ready to change”
How does that make you feel?
If you feel uncomfortable about that, ask yourself “why?”
“(Insert your name here), I love you. What can I do to make you happy today?”
Can you say that?
What does your subconscious tell you to do?
Where do you feel the guidance that is related to good choices? It will center at a place on your body somewhere. For each person, it may be different. I feel my ego talk down the center of my body. My intuition comes in from behind my right ear.
It’s your job to do what that still small voice inside tells you to do.
Discover what is holding you back from accepting your Greater Good.
11. Buddha says, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
12. Bumper Sticker Philosophy:
Church is to Religion as Bumper Stickers is to Philosophy.
Don’t get, mad get even.
If you don’t like my driving, then stay off the sidewalks.
Are you creating enemies faster than you can kill them?
Do you sometimes feel like a fire hydrant starring at a pack of dogs?
What if hate was the only enemy?
The mind is like a parachute. It only functions when open.
We Create What We Hate.
Energy Flows where the Concentration Goes.
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13. Good affirmations: An affirmation is a phrase, sentence, or grouping of words that are said out loud once, or several times a day preferably for 30 consecutive days. By saying an affirmation out loud, it trains your nervous system and body to come into alignment with the words.
Affirmations should always be designed in the positive (do not use “not or no” words.) Your body manifests everything you think about and does not acknowledge the word “not or no.” So, if you are focused on fear, you will manifest things to be fearful about.
Affirmations are a way to distract the mind from thinking negatively. Making positive affirmations is kind of tricky. Run your affirmations and written words by one who will help you make it perfect and positive for you. Don’t ask a negative person to do this. You can also use one or many of the affirmations I have listed in my Money Affirmations page, or use these affirmations:
Something wonderful is about to happen.
I am worthy, I am worthy, I AM worthy.
I bless this situation and set it free to make room for bigger and better things in my life.
Affirmations: If they don’t work, you need to take another step before doing the affirmations. Use the Affirmation:
“I am willing to release that pattern within me that is creating this condition. The past if over and I am free.”
14. Choose Peace: There is an affirmation in A Course in Miracles that reads, “I can choose peace instead of this.” In her book, Building Your Field of Dreams , Mary Manin Morrissey tells us that instead of judging people or nursing our grudges, we can choose to feel in harmony with God. We can even choose to be in harmony with someone who has hurt us.
This is particularly true of the relationships with our parents. Mary says, “We cannot hope to have a deep, lasting, fulfilling relationship with another human being when we resent or hate one of our parents. That hatred is like venom that leaks out into every other relationship. We don’t know everything our parents endured; we can’t possibly.”
15. The Eyes of Jesus. When Marianne Williamson was working through her relationship with her mother, she was on vacation with her at a beach. Her mom was acting like usual and Marianne was wondering why she even went on the vacation when it hit her…”Would Jesus be looking at my mom right now thinking, Sophie, you are such a bitch?” No. So she thought. What if, when I felt that way about my mother, I just pretend to borrow the eyes of Jesus to look at her? It was a major key in the repairation of their relationship.
Now, you may not be a very good actor and you may not have Jesus in your belief system, but I bet you know of someone who is filled with compassion and love although life squeezes them sometimes. So pretend that they are inhabiting your body for a while. I do that when I am doing Reiki on my clients and supplements. I pretend to have the hands of the strongest hands on healer that I know.
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16. Don’t let people rent “head space.” I picked this technique up from a segment Candid Camera did many years ago. In this particular segment of the show filmed in New York, an actor was behind the counter of a drugstore. On the front of the counter a sign read, “We don’t give change.” People would come up to the counter with their purchase and set it on the counter. The clerk would take their money and put the item in the bag. When the customer complained about not getting their change, the clerk would point to the sign, “We don’t give change.” Of course Candid Camera was filming all the reactions. That was quite a show.
Well, one gentleman had put his purchase on the counter which added up to under two dollars and he gave the clerk a $20 bill. When this man asked for his change, the clerk pointed to the sign, “We don’t give change.” The man said, “Oh. OK.” and walked out.
Wow. Of course that prompted Candid Camera to interview the man. How could he leave that much change and not have a problem with it? His answer…
“Sir, I’ve spent so much money over the years on psychologists, psychoanalysts and psychiatrists that I’ve learned not to let people rent space in my head if I don’t have to. I don’t rent people a lot of head space anymore and I didn’t think that the $18 in change was worth the rent.”
Remember that you are the only person who thinks in your mind. You are the power and authority in your world.
17. Don’t believe everything you think! We are bombarded with thousands of negative thoughts every day. On the other hand, we don’t hear that many positive things and most of us have brains that do dwell on stuff that we are always making up that never seems to happen. It’s called MSU (Making Stuff Up). When we become more aware of our thoughts, we can start weeding them out and planting good thoughts. For more on the power of listening, check into Carol McCall’s Empowerment of Listening courses. (www.listeningprofitsu.com )
This poem is posted in my exam room:
18. The Heart’s Garden
The heart is a garden where thought flowers grow;
The thoughts that we think are the seeds that we sow.
Every kind, loving thought bears a kind, loving deed;
While a thought that is selfish is just like a weed.
We must watch what we think, each minute, all day;
And pull out the weed thoughts and throw them away;
And plant loving seed thoughts so thick in a row
That there will not be room for weed thoughts to grow.
By Katherine Merrill.
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19. Melt a Cloud Experiment.
- Center yourself, take a few deep breaths.
- Pick a cloud to melt. (I usually pick a smaller cloud, but of the same size of several other clouds in the sky.)
- Place the palms of your hands in the direction of the cloud.
- Breathe in deep the essence of God.
- As you breathe out breathe hot air into the cloud.
- Visualize it melting away.
- Feel the heat come out of your hands and stick to the cloud.
- The cloud will melt in 3-10 minutes.
Now, if you can do that to a cloud, how could you doubt the power of prayer?
Choose your thoughts, and where you put them, wisely.
Reference: Taken from Strangers Among Us by Ruth Montgomery.
20. Become Aware then Let It Go. Awareness is the first step in healing and changing.
- Do you bring up things often having to do with anger?
- Do you attract angry people and angry friends?
- Are you attracting a teacher, a friend, a class, workshop or book to yourself that will awaken you to a new approach or perspective? This is evidence that your angels and guides are backing you up.
When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, command them to leave. Say “Out!” or “Let it go.” or “I release that thought pattern to make room for bigger and better things in my life.”
You can also incorporate body movements like swishing your hand, or using an imaginary chalk board eraser on your forehead, as an anchor to erase your negative thinking as well.
21. Choose your thoughts. Imagine you are at a luxurious hotel, where instead of dishes of food there are dishes of thought. You get to choose any and all thoughts you wish. These thoughts will create your future experiences.
22. What is the Gift in the Situation? I often ask my clients this question when they are telling me their traumas and dramas. One thing I’ve noted for sure is that if you keep falling into the same scenarios, there is either a lesson or a gift in the situation. There is a silver lining to every dark cloud.
By attracting the same energy brought to you by different people (I call them Angels), are you learning patience? Are you learning to stand up for your rights? To overcome a sense of worthlessness? Are the situations pushing you into being a better person or into getting a project completed that will make the world a better place? Is the situation helping you to get so mad as to overcome a fear that is holding you back? Only you can figure that out, but it is a common occurrence.
Often, the gifts we receive from experiencing darkness in our lives make difficult times the best things that every happened in our lives. If you add them up, often the good from the experience outweighs the bad.
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23. Discover the payoff. Is what you are holding on to helping you? Are you getting a payoff for it? Or is holding onto anger and resentment hurting your health? Sometimes a show of anger is a cover-up for low self-esteem.
Bullies are a good example of this. It seems like bullies are just crying out for love and attention. They can’t get it from normal channels, so they will take any kind of attention–even in the form of negative attention. This is not healthy. When we start focusing on developing our true being as a son or daughter of a Living God, … life starts getting easier. For some of us, that is a lifetime adventure. For others, we get stuck in a rut, but given the right tool, we ban overcome our challenges.
24. It’s Your Choice. How do you want to experience life? Some people experience the same month over and over, month after month, and year after year until they die. These people do not seem to advance spiritually. Others have experiences that are ever-evolving and changing. They experience new things all the time, which advances their souls and brings out their true self. They live a new month each month, and the months evolve into years. These people are happier and more fulfilled human beings. It’s scary to break out of the same mold, but it’s the only way to overcome anger. As you do so, you will find support around you that you never knew existed. Come out and play! Don’t be stagnant.
25. What type of cell are you? It has always confused me that the bible says that we are all made in the likeness and image of God. So, that means that when we look into a mirror we are seeing God? How can this be? With a bit of study in quantum physics, I think I have a concept that makes sense. What if we as beings composed of living cells and mass, in an entirety, make up God? That would mean that we each represent a cell within the God Consciousness.
Barbara Marx Hubbard, www.evolve.com , calls this the Universal Self or the noosphere. If this theory has any validity, then each one of us is a part of each other. So, when someone is making you angry, sad, or hurt, that is a cell within your “extended body” that is not functioning at top capacity. If that is so, then do we have a responsibility to nourish these cells within us? Or, are they cells on our body that would normally slough off like dead skin cells or fecal particles that can’t hurt you anyway unless they back up in your body causing “anger” psoriasis or “resentment” constipation? The point is, is that if you feel compelled to immerse yourself in someone else’s drama, maybe you need to learn something from that. If you don’t feel the need to be a part of their lessons, it’s best to let that energy go and to let them live the life THEY choose to live. Taoist’s call this the Woo Wei principle.
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26. Hormone treatment/imbalances: I believe both men and women have hormonal imbalances that can cause anger and irritation. When we give the body what it needs to repair the cellular damage, it responds in kind and releases the irritation. The best way to do this is to eat your raw fruits and vegetables every day, cut out processed foods and saturated fats, and eat your sesame seeds and raw-hulled pumpkin seeds. For more info on the Basics of Health program, go to: /BasicsofHealth/basicsofhealth1.htm
27. See the child in your enemy. Picture those you hold resentment against as small helpless children that are only acting out of fear and as a result of not feeling loved. Love is a basic need. If we don’t get it, we revert into what is called, “survival mode.” People in survival mode have a cup they are always trying to fill. Their cup can’t “runneth over” because they are struggling to put food in their mouths, a roof over their head, clothes on their bodies, and are in search of emotional nourishment in the form of love. They have nothing to give until these basic needs are filled. Do what you can to help them fill their needs, but don’t get sucked into the energy vampire, “me, me, me” trap. Some people are just endless pits of negative, sucking energy. You only have so much to give and then you have to cut these types of people off, so that they don’t throw YOU into survival mode.
I once had a client that was in so need of emotional nourishment she couldn’t stop talking. If you let her, she would drone on for hours. She was an extrovert and being around people nourished her. Unfortunately, because she was in emotional survival mode, she didn’t listen to her children. I guess she thought they would raise themselves while she was talking.
And, boy, did those children need to be listened to. One day I was in the local hardware store getting some supplies for my never ending array of projects, when I spotted her. “Yikes.” I thought as I darted between the isles, hoping she wouldn’t notice me. That’s when I noticed her son. As she was droning on and on with another person she recognized in the store, her little boy was trying to get her attention. “In a minute, Mommy is talking.” She’d say every few minutes.
I was about ready to go to the checkout counter when I noticed her little boy in the paint isle. He had pulled down his pants and was having a bowel movement on top of a paint can!
Unnerved, and still talking, she asked for a paper towel, pulled up his pants, cleaned up his feces, finished her conversation (which took another three minutes.) asked where the garbage was so she could deposit his “gift” there, and then left. She never acknowledged the boy at all! Talk about desperate for attention. Now, what kind of a man do you think this 6-year-old boy will grow up to be? Do you think his relationships will be functional?
There is always a past on people that we don’t know about. Everyone has a story. We have all been children at one time striving for attention, maybe not in this way, but nonetheless striving for attention. Imagine these human challenges in your life as children screaming for attention. If you can’t give them some without damaging your own being, at least send them good energy or prayer.
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28. Marianne Williamson teaches that everything people do is either done out of love or as a cry for love. When someone angers us, it is usually a cry for love. Maybe the person was doing what they thought was best for you. Maybe they were doing it because they thought it was best for them, and they were not feeling your love. However you look at it, the incident needs love. When we look at issues using this theory, we have more compassion, patience and a different perspective. Darkness is just the absence of love.
29. A different perspective–Soul Contracts: Every once in a while a client will come in with anger. It is obvious that this anger is holding them back in their process of healing and that we need to somehow get them to see the bigger picture of things so they can move on.
Sometimes we build a belief system that works for us out of necessity. Over the years I have developed what my clients call, a “unique perspective on things.” Here’s my perspective on people who are in our lives that are making us angry:
I start. “So, do you believe in heaven?”
“Yes.” They say.
“Well, do you believe there is any hate, anger or negative emotions in heaven?” I ask.
“No.” They say.
“Well, then, wouldn’t it make sense that as we incarnate we come from love. And because of that, we would not knowingly make each other’s life difficult. What if this person, up in heaven, loved you SO much that they volunteered to come down here and teach you to love yourself, or stand up for your rights, or overcome adversity and they did that because they had a soul contract with you to fulfill?”
“Gee, I never thought of it that way.” They say.
We then muscle test out the lessons they are to learn with the people they are having challenges with.
It seems that when you focus on what is important and realize that everything else is just not that important, you can shift through the challenge with ease and grace at a much faster pace. We all have sub-lessons, but it’s the main lesson we have come to experience with particular individuals that is the most important.
Sometimes you work and work on that soul contract and finally give up. You may have failed in the relationship, but never fear. Another person or situation will come to take your place until that person’s lesson is complete. YOU will have other people come into your life again and again …different faces, different situations, but the same lesson, over and over in as many forms as you need, until you learn what you’ve signed up for here on earth.
I wish I had known that many years ago. It took me a lifetime to get through some lessons. One of my main spiritual lessons to learn was to love myself. Because I did not love myself, I needed to obtain love from “external source”.
I always needed to do things for others so that they might see how wonderful I was and tell me so. I gave love in the wrong ways, volunteered for things that were not my gift to the world, wasted time banging my head on locked doors trying to make things work in my life, and I nearly killed myself that way. Oh, I was a great victim, too. People would feel sorry for me and ask, “How can you handle all of this bad stuff happening in your life?” I really didn’t know there were any other options. I was living my “lot” in life. I was not a happy camper and basically my life sucked. At one point I actually prayed for God to take me home.
As I look back at those years I shake my head. So much time wasted. If my eyes had only been open enough to see what was going on…it’s so obvious now. That’s why I like this short story. It’s called:
30. Life in Five Short Chapters:
I walk down the street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
And I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, and still I fall in.
It’s a habit.
But my eyes are open and I know where I am.
It is my fault and I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down a different street.
By Portia Nelson
31. Eliminate alcohol and other drugs that are processed through the liver. This should be obvious, but most times it isn’t. Alcohol and many drugs are processed and detoxified by the liver. When it can’t keep up with the process, anger is the emotion that surfaces. This is why we see that “mean drunk” syndrome.
So, why not support the liver with B-vitamins, green vegetables, lots of beets, burdock root and liver flushes? Well, some detox centers do this, but it’s not the usual protocol in the medical field. There are centers around where you can pay to go through this process, or you can contact your local naturopath…or you can educate yourself and try a detox yourself.
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32. Overcome fear of facing the situation. What is the real reason why you are angry? Do you feel like you are not being listened to? Are your basic needs threatened? Are you not feeling valued or loved or appreciated? Are you Angry at yourself? Do you feel you have no control over situations? Do you have poor boundaries in that you can’t say no to things that are sucking your energy and the life right out of you?
Find out what the reasons are for your anger then address them. What’s the worst that can happen?
33. Prayer with a “kicker.” Some people pray to God that anger may be released. I prefer the “prayer with a kicker” method. Start the prayer, however you want. Like this:
Dear Lord, If an old beat up truck doesn’t ram into my ex husband today, bashing his head, mutilating his limbs and squishing his liver into the pavement . . . If someone doesn’t break into his house, start a fire and steal all his tools …
Then I want the best for him. Let him be happy and have a healthy body so that he can make a decent living. May his children bless him and make him proud. May he have food for his table and respect and honor in his community. May he be well. Amen.
I used that prayer for a couple of months before I could drop the first part. Hey, sometimes you have to do whatever you can to get through certain situations.
34. Write it out, really get into it and then read it out loud 10 times. One of my mentor’s, Jean Olson, shared this one with me. Get a partner. You will each write out the most devastating thing in your life that you can’t let go of. Really be detailed about it. Write down how it makes you feel, how it has affected your life, and what problems you have with the situation. Spend about 30 minutes on this if you have to. Now read the paper out loud to your partner … 10 times. I can pretty much guarantee that it won’t have the meaning it had when you wrote it out by the end of the exercise.
35. Burning Ceremonies. When you are complete with the exercise have a burning ceremony. As you light the papers on fire, let them and the entire situation go forever up in smoke, leaving ashes to nourish the earth.
36. Listen to uplifting music. Listen to a set of songs that will penetrate your being and release those things from your past that are hurting you. Chanting is always the best music for me. The exercise is even more powerful if you dance or move with the music. Feel where the energy is blocked and focus on that area for release. Pick music that fits your belief system using words you are comfortable hearing. Here are a few examples:
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37. What would Love Do Here? In any critical moment, in any decision or circumstance in which you may be poised for anger or resentment, stop and ask yourself, “What would Love do here?” By asking yourself this question on a daily basis, you remind yourself of what matters most. By following the Guidance you receive, you actively reorient your life to God. Mary Manin Morrissey
38. Get healthy. This may be an arduous and long path, but when we are angry, we stay sick. When we overcome all those things in our lives which keep us from doing our life purpose we are freed. If you don’t know where to start, try the Basics of Health.
39. Marianne Williamson says:
“…Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of
God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” www.marianne.com
40. Feather Pillow Story: “Like the feathers in your pillow spread by the wind, every word you utter goes out into the world, never to be returned. If you speak words of anger, despair, envy, and desolation, they will cut through others like the sharpest knife and you may never be able to fully undo their effect. If you speak words of love, kindness, appreciation, and hope, you will never need to try. Your words will carry throughout the world like feathers in the wind, bringing rest to the weary, comfort to the sick, and hope to the downtrodden. When you truly recognize that each word you speak has the power to cut like a knife or comfort like a pillow, your word will be your wand and that which you have been seeking will be yours.”
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41. A Viewpoint on Forgiveness from a Different Perspective: To forgive means that we give over one perspective for another. We relinquish a contracted viewpoint for a more expansive one. We transform judgment, anger, and hurt – all the feelings that keep us feeling separate from one another – into ones that make us feel connected. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you deny the hurt or become a doormat. But it does mean that beyond the hurt, we affirm that a higher perspective exists, even if we cannot see it right now. Mary Manin Morrissey
42. The Forgiveness Tour: Don’t know how to forgive? Try Reverend Bonnie Barnard’s book on forgiveness. She founded the forgiveness tour in January of 2005 and went around the country for a year teaching forgiveness. We hosted a workshop at the center here. It was very good. You would like her book.
43. Build Something! I use gardening as a form of meditation and for anger release. I remember one strawberry bed I built in a couple of hours. It was made out of railroad ties. I built a bed 14 feet long and three stories high and filled it in about 4 hours. I was yelling and crying and throwing things. I chucked the bags of peat moss up there without cutting them open. I really got into it. And when I was done I could feel my guides standing by. All three of them had their arms crossed and were shaking their heads. I heard them ask, “Are you done yet? Now can we get on with your life?” And I started to laugh. Yes, exercise is a good thing for anger release . . . I’m lucky I didn’t hurt myself. I now call this aerobic gardening.
44. Exercise: Now some people will exercise and feel really exhausted afterwards. This isn’t good. I advise exercising using those exercises that are best for your system and for your blood type if you are going to use exercise for health and for defusing anger and stress. Walking is excellent for every blood type, but Blood Type O people will want to walk faster and with more of a slant than the rest of the blood types. So, those exercises are:
Blood Type O: Anything hard, fast, highly intensive, and aerobic (preferably low-impact aerobic exercise), such as, aerobics, swimming, jogging, weight training, treadmill, stair climbing, martial arts, contact sports, calisthenics, cycling, brisk walking, dancing, roller skating. Remember to warm up and stretch .
Blood Type A: Martial arts exercises like Tai-Chi, Hatha yoga, golf, swimming, dance, low impact aerobics, stretching, and Qi Gong. For this blood type, high intensity sports are very fraying to the nerves.
Blood Type AB: Tai Chi, Hatha Yoga, Aikido, golf, cycling, brisk walking, swimming, dance, low-impact aerobics, hiking and stretching.
Blood Type B: Aerobics, tennis, martial arts, calisthenics, hiking, cycling, swimming, brisk walking, jogging, weight training, golf, Tai Chi, and Hatha Yoga.
For more on eating, exercising, and what supplements to take exactly for your blood type, read: Eat Right 4 Your Type , by Dr. Peter D’Adamo. (www.dadamo.com)
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45. Pound Nails: When I was a little girl, I got to spend a weekend every so often with my maternal grandparents. My grandpa used to give me a bag of nails and a board. My job was to pound the bad of nails in the board. It kept me busy for a long time. I think they could only take so much child energy.
Here’s another story about nails:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us. Ask their forgiveness if you leave a hole.
46. When you squeeze an orange, what comes out? Uh, would that be orange juice? What comes out when life squeezes you? No matter how hard you squeeze, only what’s already inside can come out.
Life squeezes every person. When someone cuts you off in traffic, or speaks unkindly, a rush of rage, anger and hurt may come out, not because of that lone incident, but because those feelings already existed inside you.
What do you want to come out of you when you are under pressure? It is a choice. You will have to make some hard decisions, and shift takes time and work, but you can do it.
How do you exhibit anger? Is your anger there for everyone to see or hear? How does it come out in you? Do you handle things as they come up, trying to be as tactful as possible, or do you let it build up like a bill ‘ole festering zit until one day it just pops?
The next time a condition squeezes you, notice what feelings come out. Recognize a painful moment as an opportunity to take a closer look at what’s been going on inside you.
I finally decided that no matter what happened I wanted to exude unconditional love and compassion. Anger was no longer serving my highest and best good and I was not happy. What a project. Little by little, month by month, and year by year I began to make a shift. Do I still have challenges with anger? Yes, but how I handle certain situations is definitely getting easier.
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47. Boundaries: My first move was to read a book on boundaries. Sometimes you have to protect yourself first and not let people run all over you. You have to learn how to say no. So I did that. The book didn’t take long to read, it was the processing that was difficult.
The book was so good I bought six copies with the intention of giving them to my family as a Christmas gift. Fortunately I bought the books in August, because after I thought about it, I decided that I was being very controlling about the whole thing. Who was I to determine how my families healing should take place? So I shared the books with my clients. I started lending them out, as the occasions arose, and asked them to return them.
The only thing of it was, that about two weeks after I lent them out, one by one my clients would call me and tell me, “Denice, I know you have several copies of this book. You are not getting this copy back. Just tell me how much money to send you and I’ll put a check in the mail.”
Well, at least I was helping my clients. The name of that book is, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine. It’s a short, but effective little book.
My last husband had a bit of a temper near the end of our relationship. One night he raised his voice pretty loud. He was actually yelling at me…
“Whoever gave you that book has RUINED your life!” He shouted.
“Thank you Skeeter,” I was thinking. I looked at him with a quizzical look.
“Who ARE you and what have you done with my husband? I asked.
That’s another technique I call Scratching the Record.
48. Scratching the Record techniques can be used effectively sometimes when you hear the same thing over and over and over again. That one didn’t work that time. Here’s another example of scratching the record:
A thought-provoking question: When someone is directing their anger at you, STOP. Look them directly in the eye and ask them, “Who or what has hurt you SO much that you feel you need to hurt ME to make it better?” This technique from a troubadour of peace, James Twyman of: www.emissaryoflight.com
After Scratching the Record, I was ready to take the next step to do what I could to repair the relationships with my family. I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in. The career I’ve chosen certainly does nothing to help me fit in. So, I started a letter writing campaign.
I heard about this technique while listening to the God Can tape which I’ll talk about next.
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49. The God Can. When you think you just can’t do anything else you write down a prayer and stick it in the God Can and let God take care of it. Now I’m saying you put it in the God Can and let it go. Don’t take it out and play with it every once in a while. Develop a little faith here. “Leave it!” as we say in the dog training world. You can purchase a God Can from the internet. It comes with the tape and costs about $10 bucks. And it’s worth it. Do YOU need a God Can? Order by clicking the link or email ginger@FriendsofMary.com.
50. The Letter Writing Campaign: There once was a man who had a terrible relationship with his daughter. He had not been that good of a father, but he had done a lot of work over the years and he wanted to do what he could to repair the damage he had done.
He decided to write a letter once a month for six months to his daughter. He concluded that his feelings may be hurt, but that he would do this thing and he was determined not to have an emotional attachment to the outcome. It was just a project.
So he wrote. One letter a month. By the fourth month he received a call from his daughter. They talked about things not so important, but at least it was contact.
The next month after the letter was sent his daughter called again. They talked longer. This time they were able to discuss some things that each had done that caused hurt feelings.
The month of November was the last of 6 months. He wrote and sent the last letter. This time his daughter called to invite him to come for Christmas. He was able to repair the relationship with his daughter and he met his grandchildren for the first time.
I share that story with clients occasionally. I did this exercise only with a bit of an expansion because I usually don’t do anything in a small way.
For years I kept people in my address book. I’d send Christmas cards and write letters. Most would not even respond. Over the years I felt a lot of anger over that, but my problem was that I am a very loyal person. I didn’t want to drop anyone from my address book and possibly hurt their feelings.
And I thought that it may take longer than 6 months so I extended it to 12. I started the campaign in December. Ha. The first letter would go out with a Christmas card. I’ll kill two birds with one stone was my thinking.
I wrote … and wrote. Every month I sent a letter. I included case histories and interesting cases and shared stories of how I got where I am today.
And people started to call … and to write back.
At that 6-month period, my parents wrote to me and told me exactly what I needed to hear from each of them.
It was a miracle. The exercise worked exactly like the one I had read about.
At the end of the year I deleted everyone from my address book that had not called or written to me which freed up a lot of energy for new friends to be listed in my address book. The only person I did not cross out of my book was a brother. He never responded. I did not continue sending letters, but every time there was a situation where I could make contact, I did. I left my emotional attachment to the outcome out of it. We are not close and I suspect we never will be. I honor his path and I just keep doing what I can. I bless him and set him free. And I love him anyway.
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51. Holding in Anger/Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies. Let’s exemplify this with another story from Building Your Field of Dreams by Mary Manin Morrissey:
Jack had worked hard to overcome the hurts his brother-in-law had caused him. This man had cheated him in a business venture and then turned on Jack and had tried to sully his impeccable reputation for integrity. Every chance the brother-in-law had, he put Jack down.
“I had a list of grievances a mile long,” Jack declared. “Anyone who heard that list of what he had done to me could easily jump to my defense, and I was very good at using that story to get people on my side.”
Jack nursed, cursed and rehearsed those hurts for many years. Then, one day he thought, “Who is this really hurting? I haven’t seen the guy for years, but he lives inside me every day of my life. Who is this hurting? It’s hurting me! He decided.
Jack had been withholding his forgiveness because he felt the man didn’t deserve a pardon. He deserved punishment, he deserved retribution, he deserved…well, you get the picture.
Then one day Jack suddenly realized that forgiveness really had nothing to do with his former brother-in-law. Forgiveness was needed in order to free his own life.
Mary Manin Morrissey states, “Every prisoner needs a jailer. You may think of yourself as the jailer of the person you have condemned, but the truth is that you are the guard who is also stuck in that prison every single day.
Is it worth it? It really isn’t necessary to forgive for the other person’s benefit. It is necessary to forgive for your own release so that you can make room for better things in your life.
52. Perseverance: Some people will keep anger all their lives. Some will, but I’m hoping you won’t. You will, however need to persevere in releasing that anger within you so that you can be the best person you can be. It CAN be done. Believe it.
- 53. It Couldn’t Be Done…
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done
- But he with a chuckle replied,
- That maybe it couldn’t, but he would be one
- Who wouldn’t say no ‘til he tried.
- So he buckled right in with a trace of a grin,
- On his face if he worried he hid it.
- He started to sing as he tackled the thing,
- That couldn’t be done and he did it!
- Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that:
- At least no one ever has done it,”
- But he took of his coat and he took off his hat
- And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
- With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
- Without any doubting or quiddit,
- He started to sing as he tackled the thing
- That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
- There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
- There are thousands to prophesy failure,
- There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
- The dangers that wait to assail you.
- But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
- Just take off your coat and go to it:
- Just start into sing as you tackle the thing
- That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.
Edgar Albert Guest (1882-1959)
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54. Loving Kindness (traditional Buddhist prayer)
May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease,
and may I be happy.
May you be filled with loving kindness.
May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease,
and may you be happy.
May we be filled with loving kindness.
May we be well.
May we be peaceful and at ease,
and may we be happy.
This prayer has been put in chant form by Karen Drucker. To listen to it, go to www.karendrucker.com.
55. Take a news break. Don’t engage the cycle. My husband and I have not turned on a TV to watch the news since 2001. Wayne Dyer says, “If you can do something about it, then do it and don’t worry about it. If you can’t do something about it, then why worry about it?” Our lives are so full of stress thes days, why do we need more? If you see where you can make a difference, then do it.
56. Separate the being from the behavior. My theory about why people act like they do has a medical twist. I’ve noticed over the years that most people with cancer brewing inside them are angry. Now did the anger arise first or did the chemical imbalance in their body caused by the cancer cause the anger? Anger can be in a person’s persona many years before the cancer manifests in their body.
I believe that people really do have kind hearts and want to do good things and be loved because of it. If they are not able to do that, maybe they are sick in some way. Why would you want to be angry with the person because of their sickness that they may not know about or not be able to do anything about? Give them the benefit of the doubt. But, there is no need to put yourself into a harmful situation either. If they can’t help themselves you need to put some distance between you. If you choose to stay in an abusive relationship, then YOU need to build some self-esteem and self-worth.
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57. Forgive yourself so you can forgive others. In the past I have acted in anger because I was angry with myself . . . mostly for not being able to stand up for my boundaries and say “no” to things that I didn’t want to do. When you focus on loving yourself and doing your Life Purpose, you finally realize that every job is suited perfectly for someone. It may not be you, but there is someone out there that would be happy to do what you don’t want to do. When you know your limitations and strengths, you are able to contribute to the world and your relationships in a bigger way . . . and you are happier for it.
“To forgive means that we give over one perspective for another. We relinquish a contracted viewpoint for a more expansive one. We transform judgment, anger, and hurt – all the feelings that keep us feeling separate from one another – into ones that make us feel connected. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you deny the hurt or become a doormat. But it does mean that beyond the hurt, we affirm that a higher perspective exists, even if we cannot see it right now.” Mary Manin Morrissey
58. As you heal, others follow suit. Like most healers and psychics, there are many people in my own family who think I am nuts. They wouldn’t listen to my suggestions if they had a gun pointed at their head. What I noticed over the years, is that as I heal, it shifts the energy of my own family unit in such a way that they become more open to healing themselves. Most times it is not from anything I have said or suggested. Another angel comes into their lives, someone that they WILL listen to, and is able to present techniques to them that they are open to. So, don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to heal all those people in your family. It will get done eventually. You just work on you. I give you permission.
59. Master Mind Teams and Partners: The purpose of a Master Mind group is to get four to ten like-minded, positive, proactive people together who want to make a difference in their lives and other people’s lives using the power of prayer. Visitors are always welcome. The ones that are supposed to stay always do. We had a fantastic group in Kooskia, Idaho.
We would sit in a small circle and start the meeting summarizing what we asked for in weeks past and sharing all the good things that had happened to us since the last meeting. We then had a volunteer start by reading the first step of the Eight Steps into the Master Mind Consciousness. Each person took a turn reading a step out loud. We would try to alternate each week so we didn’t read the same step every week. When we got to step six, the person reading that step would start first, telling us what they wanted that week.
Each of us, one by one, would then support that person verbally in what they have asked for trying not to give advice, but just gathering the energy. We support them by saying for example, ” I know that the Master Mind has heard your request and I fully support you in your quest for ….” or ” I support you in your request and I see that happening for you within the next seven days” or we’d offer support in our own words.
I was often in awe of the words that came out of the group’s mouth, each saying exactly what that partner needed or offering a new perspective to the challenge as a perfectly acceptable solution. If you’d like to explore this technique and learn about the Eight Steps, go to: /ProsperityAbundance/master_mind_groups1.htm
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60. Core Causes of Anger:
- Hormone imbalances
- Allergies to chemicals
- Allergies to foods
These are a few causes of anger that are commonly overlooked. The goal is to find the core cause and either treat it, minimize it, or stay away from it. I’m really very good at finding out what you are allergic to that is causing your symptoms. Visit me at: www.NaturalHealthTechniques.com
61. Attitude Quotes:
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal: Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou Author and Poet
“When the boy David faced the giant Goliath, he could have said, “He’s too big! I can’t go up against him!” Instead he said, ‘He’s too big to miss!’ Our attitude toward the giants we confront in life makes all the difference in whether or not we can conquer them. Think about your biggest problem or concern – is it really bigger than the power of God?” Mary Manin Morrissey
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.” William James
“A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change.” Earl Nightingale 1921-1989
62. The Buddha Smile: One of my dear friends always goes around with a smile on her face. One day I asked her, “Irene, how is it that you always have a smile, no matter what is going on in your life?” She explained that when one smiles “like a Buddha” that the body responds in kind and shifts those fleeting negative emotions into feelings of joy.
“I feel that my mission is, wherever I am, to express my feeling about the importance of kindness, compassion, and the true sense of brotherhood. I practice these things. It gives me more happiness and more success. If I practiced anger or jealousy or bitterness, no doubt my smile would disappear.” The Dalai Lama
63. Get counseling: Of course a normal way to conquer anger problems is to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Don’t give up if you don’t find the right one for you the first time around. Continue to try out counselors until you find the one that is right for you. I call this building a team of healers. We are all human and can’t be on call 24/7 for our clients as I would love to do. We have our own lives as well.
Having a few other qualified coaches on your team is essential for staying on your path and in alignment with your goals. Whoever is supposed to be there for you is the right one for you that day. I can remember a time when I’d start at the top of my list and head on down. Not wanting to leave messages on people’s machines during a crisis, often I ended up feeling I had no one to support me. Now I know that wasn’t true at all. There was someone I left off my team . . . God.
God is always there even if the rest of your team isn’t. Oh, God sent me an Angel in human form when I needed them the most, but most of the time is was just God and me, my constant companion. So, if this is happening to you with regularity, now is the time to be developing that relationship with your Higher Power (whatever you call it,) and work on developing Faith.
64. Scream in the Car. Dr. John Upledger (www.upledger.com) developed the term, energy cysts, as he was building his practice and discovered a process he calls Cranio-Sacral Therapy. He noticed that those people who actually talked about their issues had fewer physical problems as they aged. When a person “stuffs” their emotions, the feelings irritate the tissues locally in the weakest body part forming an energy cyst. Now these cysts can be removed with various methods. The organ most affected by anger is the liver. I used to tell people to talk to their pets, but this created more work for me as I would have to then do emotional clearing on the pet because the owner dumped on them! Now I tell people to talk with their God, in the car or in a place where no one else can hear them. Just the practice of voicing your opinions out loud prevents build up of disease. This vocalization process needs to be done regularly for it to be effective.
Screaming into a pillow is another vocalization process. Blah. Didn’t work for me. Maybe it will work for you.
65. Some people like Neo-Reichian Release. This is where a practitioner gets you all riled up. You then get on a mattress on the floor and start screaming, crying, and hitting the mattress–basically a temper tantrum, until you get it all worked out of your body. This works for some people, especially if you like screaming and yelling. You can read more about that technique here: https://www.experiencefestival.com/neo-reichian_emotional_release_work
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66. Talk on the phone to your best Friend…God. In the book, I Am A Miracle, Jeannie Vandenberg tells her story about how she overcame mental illness. This is one of the techniques she used. She talked on the phone to God daily (the phone not being attached to the wall), discarded all that was not working in her life (everything) and then started to rebuild it using ideas she borrowed from others.
67. Let go of the past. Don’t drag Harry.
When you think about it, holding onto the past, no matter what is was, or how awful it was, is only hurting us. “They” don’t really care what they have done to us. We are only hurting ourselves by refusing to live in this moment to the fullest.
In Mary Manin Morrissey’s book, Building Your Field of Dreams , Mary tells a story about eight golfers going out to the fairway. They break up into foursomes. The first four men play eighteen holes and then sit in the clubhouse waiting for the other group to come in. It seems they wait forever.
Finally, here come three men from the second group. These men are just a total wreck. A member of the first foursome asks, “My gosh! What happened to you guys?”
One of them responds, “Oh, it was just awful. On the second hole, Harry had a heart attack. After that, it was hit the ball and drag Harry . . . hit the ball, and drag Harry.”
So who is Harry in your life? Harry is our deadweight. There are parts of ourselves that we’ve long since needed to discard; they have died, but we’re still carrying them and holding onto those negative thoughts . . . letting those thoughts control our lives. It may be that childhood story, what our spouse did ten years ago, or the notion that we are worthless. Harry is in the form of limiting ideas. So, isn’t it time you let those ideas go that are no longer serving your highest self?
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68. Diarrhea and Vomiting. It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it. So, why not make the best of it. If you are going to purge, you may as well do it with presence! When you go through something like this, with each purge, think about all the things that you’d like to get rid of in your life. Purge all those negative thoughts, old angers and resentments, and limiting beliefs. Some people really get into this and feel quite free after the experience.
69. Get to the core cause: Sometimes allergies can actually be the core cause of anger. I remember once when I was trapped in a car with a woman who wore Aussie hair spray. I had not realized before this that chemicals could trigger anger. As the minutes passed I started to get more and more irritated. Then bitchy, then I just kind of went out of control. I couldn’t stop myself! It was awful and embarrassing. So, if you have anger that has no apparent root cause, think about the smells in your environment that are different at the time of the anger. I try to eliminate, limit or manage these kinds of allergies. Homeopathics do a good job in helping them process from your system. I do believe this is a primary cause of ADD and ADHD as well. There are so many chemicals in our environment these days that we are not used to.
70. Step out of your body and look at it from someone else’s perspective. This is a modification of the Eyes of Jesus technique. Here you step out of your body and watch the situation happening. The purpose is to see things from a mediator or third party point of view to determine if the two people in the argument are handling the situation with common sense. By stepping out of your body one can sometimes get new ideas on how to manage or resolve old issues.
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71. Reiki-Massage is one of the only treatments I see that works on a consistent basis for fibromyalgia patients. I call it Emotional roto-tilling. As the body is worked over, the emotions slowly start to rise and are released from the body little by little, treatment by treatment.
When you think about it, where else do people with fibromyalgia get this unconditional and caring, loving touch? You watch. They don’t get enough of it and their body cries for it.
To Read more about Reiki, read my handout on the subject at: /HealingTechniques/reiki.htm , or go to Bill Rand’s site: www.reiki.org. My favorite book on Reiki is Empowerment through Reiki by Paula Horan. It is complete, understandable, a great overview, and interesting reading.
72. NLP: Is a powerful technique used for many things including phobias of all kinds, impotence, anxiety, and it can be used for anger as well. It often works in a matter of minutes with a great practitioner of the technique. NLPstarted on the campus of the University of California at Santa Cruz. It was the product of two incredible minds, Dr. John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Grinder was a professor of linguistics at UC and Bandler was one of his students. Working together, the pair developed NLP. One day, while just playing around with patterns, John Grinder discovered a new technique for rapid change. It started with a negative behavior that began automatically, like shyness, procrastination, fear and doubt, lack of confidence, test anxiety and fear of public speaking. Through the use of physiology, anchoring, and chaining, the negative behavior becomes the driver for the positive. The practitioner asks questions, guides you in a thinking process then watches where you place your eyes during the process to determine how you learn. There are many programs out there to purchase and to use at home. I got mine at www.nightingale.com. It’s called, NLP, The New Technology of Achievement.
73. EMDR: With this technique, the client is instructed to focus on the image, negative thought, and body sensations while simultaneously moving his/her eyes back and forth following the therapist’s fingers as they move across his/her field of vision for 20-30 seconds or more, depending upon the need of the client. Although eye movements are the most commonly used external stimulus, therapists often use auditory tones, tapping, or other types of tactile stimulation. The kind of dual attention and the length of each set are customized to the need of the client. The client is instructed to just notice whatever happens. After this, the clinician instructs the client to let his/her mind go blank and to notice whatever thought, feeling, image, memory, or sensation comes to mind. Depending upon the client’s report, the clinician will facilitate the next focus of attention. To learn more about EMDR, visit their website www.emdr.com. It is quite extensive and has contact numbers to hook up with a practitioner in your area.
74. Remove the emotional implants through psychic surgery. I learned this technique at an Ener-Chi Seminar. The basic process is that you muscle-test if there is an implant to remove. You then determine where it is. With pure intention, you cup your hands over the area like a psychic healer from the Philippines and visualize your hand going into the body and extracting the implant. As you draw the implant out, you keep pulling and pulling until your feel the cord thinning out. When the energy shifts and this energy cord gets so thin that you could break it away from the body, you snap it out of the body and then seal the “hole” with love and light, rubbing your hand in small circles over the area where the implant was removed. Sounds weird, but people sure do feel the energy from this technique. Implants are received from another person thinking negative thoughts about you. Remove them as many times as it takes then concentrate each time on surrounding yourself with a thick shell of white light so that negative energy can’t penetrate your being.
75. Guided Meditations: My favorite guided meditation is Bill Rand’s, Spiritual Protection and Healing tape: Go to Bill’s site. It’s listed as. You can purchase it from www.reiki.org. It’s really kind of an empowering tape, especially if you are constantly assaulted by negativity. It works on your brain so that when you are around negative people you get stronger and stronger. The energy is transformed into positive energy ten-fold. After teaching years of Reiki classes, I can tell you that many people really love this tape and get a lot of good out of it. All you have to do is listen to it on a regular basis for a few weeks.
76. Know that You are Not Alone: (Taken from Building Your Field of Dreams Page 140)
At age sixteen Julie had a nervous breakdown. While she was hospitalized, she began telling herself, “I am going to get better.” Still a teenager, she moved away from home to build a life for herself. Seventeen years later she began coming to our church. She had indeed built a life independent of the horror she had suffered, but not one that even came close to fulfilling her dream. This woman dreamed of one day having a loving caring marriage. But at age thirty-three, intimacy so terrified her that she had never felt close to any man.
During the seventeen years since she’d left home, she’d had no contact with her father whatsoever. After attending church and becoming intrigued by the concept of forgiveness, she wrote her father a postcard. In it she simply told him that she was doing well and asked that he contact her.
He never responded.
The silence hurt her anew; the daughter who had been so violated by her father had actually reached out to him, and he had rebuffed her. Her initial reaction was rage: “How dare he ignore me, after all he’s done!” She nursed her new hurt for a time, as any of us might, and then she returned to work. I say “work” because forgiveness can be an arduous, challenging process and sometimes we are tempted to skip work and stay home.
Now, if you are reading to this story and think you are the only Julie out there, let me tell you that you are not. Many, many of my clients have similar stories. Same emotions, different characters, but the same story. Sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone. You can find people in your circle of friends who have these stories and work with them. I have noticed that most times it is not safe to work with other family members on things like this, but I do know and see that as you heal, so does your family. You may not have said anything to them, but they have their own angels working on them to help them release their angers and resentments.
77. You Are God: So here’s the concept: God is so hard and so strong that nothing can shift or change the true God. You are God contained within a block of Marble. You are also the sculptor. As you chip away what is not God, what is unlike your true self, your God self shines through. You can’t harm the true you, because it is very strong, but you can chip the softer ego from it, which is the marble. It is your choice which pieces of marble you will chip away at and at what time you chip away the pieces. You can chip away big chunks at a time or little ones, or not even work on your statue at all. It’s all about choice. Anger is unlike God. Do you choose to chip away at that? You choose.
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Boy, that’s a lot of options to release anger. So, you may be thinking, “Do I still have anger about some things?” Oh yeah. I have a couple of hot spots, but I’m working on them. And last time I checked I still couldn’t walk on water.
I’ve used most of these techniques on my own issues. They all work. You just need to start somewhere and find the techniques that work for you.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. tells us to take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step…
Helpful Links ande References: (Great Reading for Follow-Up and Follow-Through)
- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
- Everyday Grace by Marianne Williamson
- A Course in Miracles
- Building Your Field of Dreams by Mary Manin Morrissey
- Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins
- Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh
- Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine
- There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Dr. Wayne Dyer
Helpful Links: https://www.loveandforgive.org/